Happy Anniversary!

August 24, 2010 marks the four year anniversary of our marriage.  And what an incredible four years it has been!  As of this anniversary, we've welcomed two children into our family, graduated from BYU, moved our little family all the way to California, and started a career!  Over the last few months, Danny and I have reflected on how incredible our marriage has been so far.  So, naturally, our anniversary ought to be incredible, right?  Definitely.

Our anniversary this year began at about 1:12 am, when I woke Danny up to tell him I was in labor, and was starting to time contractions.  At 2:12 am, I called Ali and Danny started getting things ready.  There was electricity in the air...so much so that the girls couldn't even stay asleep!  Sophie was especially excited at the prospect of seeing her little brother.  So much so, she decided to stay up and help Danny fill the birth tub.

My labor continued to progress, with contractions ranging from 4 to 6 minutes apart.  I called my Mom to let her know she'd need to be at the airport first thing, hoping that she'd be able to make it on time.  Danny continued to get our room ready for the birth, including emptying and refilling the tub (rusty pipes make for nasty water!)  Soon, Ali arrived and was joined shortly by one of her assistants, Robbin.  Once we hit about 6:00 am, we called Beth to have her come over.  It didn't take long before Beth and Shelly were at the door, and Shelly helped me through contractions until Claire and Sophie woke up.  She got them ready, brought them to me to say goodbye, and took them back to her house for the day.  

Things seemed to be moving along at a pretty good pace up to this point, and from here on out the day just got longer and longer!  I labored outside the tub until about 11:00 am or so, and then I opted for the comfort of the water.

It wasn't long after this that my Mom arrived.  It was incredible.  I had kept my emotions under control, not shedding a single tear or becoming overwhelmed.  Until I saw my Mom at my bedroom door.  I can't describe the feeling, but I instantly started crying.  I felt a mixture of relief and exhaustion and a new appreciation for my Mom as a mother.  All I wanted was to get out of the water and hug her!  But then the next contraction started, and I really had to focus on breathing since I couldn't stop crying.  I'm so glad that she was able to make it.  It was an answer to my prayers.  Labor continued...

And continued...  

And continued. 

 And continued!  

Once we got into the late afternoon, I started to get very discouraged.  I was so tired, and I had a bad feeling that I hadn't progressed very far.  Up to this point, Ali hadn't done a cervical check, so we really didn't know where I was at.  She didn't feel it necessary to check me, but told me she would if I wanted her to.  I was scared to know!  I only wanted to be checked if she was going to tell me that I was at an 8 or something!  I finally decided I needed to know more than I was afraid of the potential answer.  Ali obliged, and to my utter dismay, I was only at a 4 or 5, and wasn't even entirely effaced yet.  At this point, I hit a wall.  I was ready to be done, and couldn't believe I wasn't even half way there, after about 15 hours of labor!  And hard labor at that.  

I sat on the edge of my bed, with my Mom and Danny at my feet, and cried.  I was ready to call it and go to the hospital.  But Danny and my Mom reminded me of what I was doing, and they both really felt like I could do it.  I pretty much just gave in, and kept on going.  Ali entered the room at that point, with what she considered good news.  My little Johnny was posterior!  This felt like another nail in the coffin to me, but apparently she was pretty excited about it!  It provided a reason for why things were taking so long, and why my labor was so difficult.  We decided to see if we could get the baby turned.  This was a less than pleasant experience. While I was on my hands and knees, Ali tried to manually coax his head (that's right...manually), while two of her assistants had their hands on my belly to try to encourage his back to flip.  Ouch!  But, it was successful, and after this my labor completely changed.  The contractions were evenly spaced and though still very painful, much more manageable.  

Hours passed.  I hit another wall when my labor switched again and we determined that Johnny had flipped back to his nasty posterior position.  Again, I sat at the edge of my bed, with Danny and my Mom, and told them I couldn't do it anymore.  I sobbed as I lamented that if I ended up with a c-section, everyone would think I was so stupid.  We would have wasted thousands of dollars.  Johnny would end up with all the treatments that I wanted to avoid.  Turns out, I wasn't ready to give up my homebirth quite yet.  Sometime in the late evening, we checked my progress again.  I was complete!  I had fully dilated and effaced!  I was started to want to bear down a bit, and so Ali worked to encourage that feeling.  Problem was, I never really got the urge to push.  After trying for an hour or so, we checked me again to see how low Johnny's head was.  Ali was discouraged to find that I was beginning to close up a bit.  My contractions slowed WAY down.  And at this point we hit the 24th hour of labor.

Something in me changed.  I got a very peaceful feeling.  And the impression that my work at home was done.  That even though my vitals and Johnny's vitals were still good, that it was time to go to the hospital and have the surgery.  It was time for me to meet my son, and despite all the work and all the preparation, it wasn't going to happen at home like I thought.  And the thing was, I was totally okay with that.  All my previous feelings about looking stupid and such were gone.  All I could think was that I had enough strength left in me to get me to the hospital and to the spinal block that awaited me.  And that was all I had left.  And so I put on my nightgown and shoes, and Danny, my Mom, Beth, and I made our way to the hospital.  

This was how Danny and I spent our fourth anniversary.  It was an incredible day for both of us.  And really, it sums up what our marriage is about!  We work hard together, each of us in our own element.  We make children together, and try to raise them up to the Lord.  We love each other through the easy and fun times, and also the hard and difficult times.  Danny was with me through every contraction of each of those 24 hours.  And I needed him for every one.  I know that I could never have chosen a better husband, or a better father for my children.  Thank you for choosing me, Danny.  I've loved every minute of our four years, and look forward to loving the rest of eternity with you.

Happy Anniversary!

Week 41...and counting...

There are really two ways to think about this week.  I'm either a week overdue, or I'm just hitting my due date.  It all depends on which due date you've been going by.  Obviously I've been going with the earlier one.  Perhaps I was wrong? :)

But, the best way to look at it is to realize that due dates are a myth anyway!  Due dates are based on a 28-day menstrual cycle, which doesn't apply to me anyway.  Plus, what really makes one single day the DAY the baby is ready?  Seems to me that babies are ready three weeks before that magical day (considering how many inductions and scheduled sections happen between 37-40 weeks), yet something about the day AFTER that magical day is foreboding.  Hmmm...food for thought.

Don't get me wrong.  I haven't been so valiant and steadfast in this waiting-game I'm playing with my son.  I've had at least two complete emotional break downs.  I woke up nearly every morning with a level of discouragement that I don't think even I can put into words.  It hasn't helped that Claire got sick this week as well, and has now had a fever of over 100 for two days, along with starting to vomit this afternoon.  And both toilets inexplicably flooded yesterday.  It's honestly kind of comical to think about!

And to top it all off, I had the most interesting visit with Ali yesterday.  We started our physical prenatal exam, and right off things didn't feel like they have.  Ali palpated and palpated, listened for heart tones again and again, and ultimately we were both thinking there was a possibility that we may have had a twin make a late appearance!  It would have been highly improbable, but not impossible!  Long story short, Ali decided that she wanted to get Karen (her mentor) to take a look, so Danny, the girls, and I drove to Yucaipa this morning to meet with Karen.  After a very sleepless night for me!  There were three possible outcomes to this visit with Ali and Karen: 1-I've really been having twins this whole time and we had no idea. 2-Johnny flipped sometime in the last week and was now breech. Or 3-Nothing was wrong, and he was just in a really funky mood yesterday.  

Turns out that after another lengthly palpation exam by Karen, we got result number three!  I thought for sure Ali would feel silly, but I'm so grateful that she didn't!  Working with the midwifery model, and with my midwife and her mentor and assistants specifically, has been so eye-opening for me.  It's not competitive at all, but very much a sisterhood.  It's such a refreshing atmosphere.  Ali in no way pretended that she knew everything, and Karen in no way belittled her for having us come and get her opinion.

Anyway, along with the palpation exam, we did do an internal exam to see if anything was progressing on that front.  And it turns out that my suspicions that not much was going on was pretty correct.  After all was said and done, the general consensus is that Johnny is going to be a big baby (right around 10 lbs), and that it may well be another week or so before things kick into gear.  Karen, in her expert opinion, was in no way concerned for mine or Johnny's safety.  We're both doing great, and there's no reason I can't deliver him and all his chubby glory!  I found it to be an incredible relief to be told it could be another week.  Now I can stop thinking about it all the time!  Until next weekend, that is...

So, here we sit, still a-waiting on our Johnny.  I'm going to start a regimen of Evening Primrose Oil, which when taken is supposed to help soften and ripen the cervix.  At any rate, it can't hurt!  So, look forward to another post and picture! :)  

Life with just our girls...

As anxious (and I mean ANXIOUS) as Danny and I are to have baby Johnny finally join our family, we do realize with some melancholy that time with just our girls is quickly coming to an end.  We've had these girls with us for quite a while, now!  It'll be the little things, like not buying everything in pink or Tinkerbell themed...even referring to our children as "the girls", that we realized we'll kind of miss.  

We remember when we brought Sophie home from the hospital.  It was so fun to have her home, and to watch how much Claire already loved her little sister.  But as we lay in bed that night, Danny and I both just cried and cried.  We knew our time with only our little Claire Bear was over!  I didn't know how to give the time and attention to Sophie that she needed as a newborn, and still give everything to Claire that she needed...and that I needed to give her.  I remember getting up from bed (which was quite the feat considering the massive incision still healing across my belly), and going into Claire's room to just be close to her and cry some more!  Danny put it best when he said the next morning "It is like our hearts had to break in order to be built a little bigger".  

I don't know exactly the reaction we'll have when Johnny gets here, but I know this much.  You do have enough love and room in your heart for that next child.  And you are given the strength you need to still love the children you already have!  And I learned to try to treasure the way things are before they change again.  Here is a look into our life before Johnny:

Claire and Sophie "going to the temple".

Sophie playing dress-up in my shirt and shoes.  That girls LOVES to dress -up!

A Daddy-Daughter dance.

Ah...story time with Daddy.  They won't all fit in one toddler bed for long!

Claire got into some pink craft paint.  She was very deliberate as she painted herself, and luckily ONLY got it on herself.

A tired Mama with her cute girls.  They've really wanted to cuddle with me more lately....

 We love our girls!  Thank you, Claire and Sophie, for giving us so many laughs and smiles, and teaching us patience and long-suffering!  I can already feel my heart breaking to be built bigger again, as we close this chapter of our family and prepare to start another.  We love you!

New Cousins

We're all so excited for Uncle Kenny!  Kenny has found his other half, and will be marrying the sweet Suzie next month!  We were able to spend a little bit of time with the love-struck couple while we were in Utah in June, but to our delight, they came to see us just last week here in California!

Did I mention that Suzie has two adorable little boys?  Braxton is just four month older than Claire, making him 3, and Taven is 15 months old.  We never thought Claire and Sophie would have cousins on the Call side that were their age, but Kenny came through!  Thanks, Uncle Kenny!

Their visit began with meeting Danny on base for a quick plane-side tour of the F-16.  Cool, huh?  After that, everyone came home to our house for a few minutes, so Danny could drop off his work stuff and so that Kenny, Suzie, and the boys could see the house.  By this time it was getting on to late evening, and we were all starving, so we headed to Rubio's!

We enjoyed visiting and wrestling the kids between wonderfully tasty bites of burritos and shrimp tacos.  The kids even enjoyed their taquitos!

Mostly, the kids liked playing together!  We had to top off dinner with a trip to Berry Star.  Everyone enjoyed some frozen yogurt...especially the kids who got their own bowl!  But alas, the evening came to an end and we had to say goodbye.  Those of us with any comprehension of time knew we'd be seeing each other in just a few short weeks for the wedding.  But Claire thought it may as well be forever until she sees Braxton again! She cried quietly to herself the whole way home, and then succumbed to the depths of despair...

Claire and Sophie LOVE family!  It's hard to live so far away sometimes, but we're glad that we all understand the importance of family and take the time to visit despite the distance.  Can't wait for the wedding!

Week 40!!!

We made it to the due date (and a couple days past for that matter) without a baby in sight!  I'll admit, this whole pregnancy thing is really starting to try my patience!  But what can you do? 

This week hasn't been the easiest.  I've had a feeling that this baby wasn't coming, and even though I tried not to think that a "due date" meant anything, it's hard to see it coming and then pass with nary a contraction.  Especially with people you know and strangers alike increasing their "Are you still pregnant?!" and "Wow...you're huge!  Looks like you're having twins!" comments.  

But, I've really tried hard to smile through it all, and I think I've been decently successful at not looking miserable all the time! :) Then, two days before the ominous due date, Danny totally wrenched his back at work.  And he wasn't even doing anything strenuous or slightly stupid so I could be mad at him!  He just stood up and his back seized up.  That meant a husband that was flat on his back for the rest of Monday evening, as well as home from work all day on Tuesday.  Poor guy!  And if that weren't enough, the day after my due date, Sophie wakes up with a 103 degree fever!  That's right, folks, she's got an ear infection.  Which to be fair was a good thing.  At least they can give us antibiotics for that and she should be feeling better soon.  At the very least, she's not contagious.  But it has left me dealing with a very cranky Sophie and a partly lame husband.  Have I mentioned I'm overdue? ;)

I also didn't get to meet with Ali on Wednesday as was planned, because some other lucky girl was having her baby that day.  I suffered from a very immature amount of jealousy for a while over that one!  

Ok, catharsis is over...for now.  I had an emotional break-down on Wednesday night, and had a good long cry as well as directed all my unmitigated hormonal anger at Danny. :)  So, now that that is over, I've mostly just resigned myself to my current circumstances.  It has to end eventually, right?

I would like to think that I won't be taking a picture or posting for 41 weeks, but let's be honest.  That's totally in the realm of possibility!

**Addendum:  I love being a mother!  And I know that every agonizing minute is worth it.  I also recognize how blessed I am to be able to so easily get pregnant, and to have such uncomplicated pregnancies.  And on top of that, I have big, fat, perfect, ridiculously cute babies!  So, while I reserve the right to gripe right now, I have to make sure it's put in perspective.**

California Adventures!

Danny, the girls, and I were lucky enough to have Danny's Mom come spend the last week of July with us.  It was so fun to have time with her, and just with her!  And it's about time, too, since Papa has already been here 4 times...

I didn't get any pictures of Grandma's solo time here (totally an oversight on my part!), but luckily I can still recount the fun.  The girls woke up bright and early every morning to start their fun with Grandma.  Which was great, cause Grandma let me sleep a little longer than usual!  They spent the mornings in the girl's room, singing songs and working on their sound cards.  The girls LOVED their school-time with Grandma, and continued to bug her all day to do their sounds with them.  It was nice for me to have the extra set of hands and eyes, and it was wonderful to be able to do the grocery shopping during the day with Grandma's help (not to mention a pit stop at Rubio's and Berry Star)!  I think my personal highlight was on Friday night, when Grandma happily watched the girls so Danny and I could go on a date.  A real date!  With dinner AND a movie!  We had a scrumptious dinner at...you guessed it...Rubio's and watched "Inception", which was seriously awesome.  Thanks, Grandma!

Time flew by, and before we knew it, Papa and Aunt Julie and Aunt Katie were here too!  This just added to the sense of wonder the girls had lived in for the week with Grandma.  I don't know that they've ever been happier!  With me being so big and pregnant, and Danny having to work, we spent a decent amount of time here at the house, just enjoying each other's company.

Everyone enjoyed plenty of time to "rest".  (I don't think Julie is getting much of that...)

And of course game time.  This is the riveting game of "Go Fish" that Julie and Katie were kind enough to teach the girls.  Now every time Claire gets her hands on some cards she says, "Do you have any three's?  No?  Go Fish!" :)

Even Jack got some time with family!  Grandma and Papa brought Ellie to live with Robbie and Kris, and so she got to spend a few days at our house.  Jack absolutely LOVED the company, and pretty much didn't leave Ellie alone for a second of her time here.  I don't know how Ellie felt about it, but she took the abuse like a champ!

The day came for Ellie to relocate to San Pedro, so Papa and Grandma took the girls on their first of many adventures (and let Mama stay home and rest!)  Claire and Sophie love to play at Uncle Robbie's and Aunt Kris' house...there's just so much grass! :)

After spending plenty of time playing at the playground, everyone decided to go explore nearby Long Beach. The pictures tell it all!

Ah, but the fun didn't end there.  The harbor attractions may be fun and delightful, but nothing beats the beach!  If one were to look close, you can see at least a couple of times that Julie and Katie had to save Sophie from certain death by drowning!  You can also see how it took Claire a bit to warm up to the water.  Oh, my girls couldn't be more opposite!

Wow!  I'm just retelling the fraction of the story I remember, and I'm already tired!  Good thing Mama stayed home for this one.  :)  After their adventure on the beach, everyone went back to Robbie and Kris' and had dinner.  I'm pretty sure Grandma had to bathe the girls to get all that sand out of their bottoms!

Claire and Sophie with Aunt Kris

What a day!  But did the adventures stop there?  Of course not!  A couple of days later, Papa and Grandma took Claire and Sophie with them to visit Grandma's Aunt Belva.  It was quite the undertaking, considering Aunt Belva is 94 years old.  She's a spitfire, though!  And she's had a lifetime to collect little expensive breakables, so watching Sophie was a four person job at this visit!  But they all had a wonderful time!

After the excursion to Aunt Belva's, Papa and Grandma and all the girls stopped to pick me up so we could meet Danny on base.  Grandma, Julie, and Katie had yet to get their personal base tour.  Danny obliged, of course!  We finished off with lunch at Anthony's Pizza--a Call tradition (whenever they're on an Air Force Base, that is!)

It was hard to see our family go home, especially for the girls!  Danny and I were heartbroken as little Sophie kept getting louder as they drove away..."Goodbye, Papa!  Goodbye, Papa!"  We can't wait to see everyone again in September when we travel to Utah to bless Johnny!

Blessing The Way

First, let me say I have the most wonderful friends here in Lancaster!  Last week, Beth and a few other friends had a Blessing Way for me and Johnny.  A Blessing Way is an alternative to a traditional baby shower, and it is now one of my most treasured memories.

A Blessing Way can really be anything you want it to be.  And depending on those involved, it can be super earthy (almost to the point of pagan), or more of a traditional baby shower with a few hippi twists!  Beth asked me a week or so in advance what I would be comfortable with and what I wanted, and this is what was decided:

First off, it was a really small group.  Here is who attended--Beth Davis (obviously!), Shelly Tolman, Audra Robins, Naomi Morris, my mother-in-law Lori, and my two sisters-in-law Julie and Katie.  We met at Beth's house at 6:30 on Tuesday, August 3rd.  We started off with a potluck, which was delicious!  There was a Mexican Chicken Caesar Salad, fresh fruit (made to look like an Edible arrangement--thanks Mom and Julie and Katie!), a delicious cheesy buttery bread, and a blueberry dessert.  After we all had the chance to eat and visit, we moved into Beth's sitting room to begin.

First, the ladies put together a flower crown for me to wear.  But it wasn't just any ol' flower crown!  Everyone in attendance brought a flower that reminded them of me.  As they handed their flower to be added to the crown, they explained their choice to me along with offering their wish (usually called blessings, but in order to respect the priesthood blessings we hold sacred, we're calling them wishes...) for either me, the baby, or my family.  It was an incredible experience for me, and really set a wonderful atmosphere for the rest of the evening.  The wishes were filled with tender emotion, and it was so humbling for me to hear what my friends think of me and sincerely want for me.

After the flower crown was the foot bath.  This was probably the most "out-there" part of the evening, but was also the part that I think effected me most profoundly.  Beth and Shelly got together a basin of warm water with epsom salt and gathered some towels.  They put the basin at my feet, and starting with Beth, everyone in the room took a turn washing and massaging my tired pregnant feet while offering another wish for either me, Johnny, or my family.  Now, at first I thought this would be totally awkward!  In fact, I hadn't anticipated that everyone would take a turn; I thought it would only be Beth!  I was a bit self-conscious at first, but then it was really incredible to see how my friends were willing to serve me at such a basic level.  When it came around to my mother-in-law and sisters-in-law, they used a lavender oil to moisturize my feet after being washed.  I couldn't believe it when Julie offered to take a turn!  (And I found out who gives incredible foot massages!)  Again, it was all very humbling...

Next, they put together a blessing bracelet for me.  Like the flowers, everyone was asked to come with a bead or beads that reminded them of me or signified a wish.  As each bead was added to the bracelet they shared their wishes.  This was probably the part I looked forward to the most, for whatever reason.  The idea is that once this bracelet was finished, it would be put on my wrist where it would stay through labor and until after the baby was born and I was good and ready to take it off.  I was so excited to have this tangible reminder of the evening and of my friends, especially since most of the women there had had a homebirth or was also planning a homebirth.  The bracelet turned out perfectly!  I couldn't have been happier.  Even though the next picture isn't the greatest of me and Naomi, it is the only one with the bracelet! (Sorry, Naomi!)

(Side note: The bracelet lasted a little over 12 hours until Sophie broke it right off and sent the beads flying!  Grrr...I cried for a couple hours of that one.  We found all the beads, however, and Beth is working on getting it put back together a little stronger than before.  Love you, Soph!)

Once the bracelet was happily (yet shortly :) ) on my wrist, Shelly presented me with a journal that she had found especially for me.  I didn't take it home, however, because everyone wanted a chance to write something in there for me and wanted more time to do it in.  Then we spent the rest of the time just talking about homebirth and other such womanly things until we realized it was already 10 o'clock!  We reluctantly disbanded to go back to our husbands and children.  

Really, this was an incredible experience, and one I hope to repeat with future children.  I also can't wait to host one for someone I love someday too.  I don't think we spend enough time together as women, and certainly not unabashedly telling those special women in our lives what they mean to us.  I think it was the perfect way to bless the way for Johnny's birth and my experience in becoming a mother again, to another one of our Father in Heaven's choice spirits. 

You can come now, Johnny!

Week 39

We're getting down to it now, right?  Ugh, we better be!  I just don't know how much farther out I can expand!  Seriously, I'm even starting to impress myself. :)

There's not much to report for this last week.  My appointment with Ali was pretty uneventful.  I'm measuring between 42.5 and 43 centimeters, which is the most I've ever measured!  Ali doesn't seem to be worried about Johnny's size, so neither am I.  Not much I can do about it anyway!  She did say the exact same phrase that Dr. Gamette used the week before Sophie was born..."That's a good-sized baby in there, though I wouldn't say overly big."  Sophie was 9 lb 12 oz and 21.5 inches.  My question is what qualifies as overly big?  We're still taking wagers on his size for any that are interested... :)

I'm feeling as well as can be expected, and much better than I did when I was this pregnant with Sophie.  I've decided it's because I've retained significantly less water than I did last time.  Here's a picture at about the same time with Sophie...

I think you can see it most in my face, but I know my ankles and feet are a much more normal size.  I'm hoping that is why I feel more comfortable and not because I still have weeks to go!  I suppose that will just have to remain to be seen...

It pains me to say it, but until next week...the big 4-0!