Oh, my sweet boy. You're two! Every time a child turns another year older, everyone exclaims "I can't believe you're __ !" But with you, my amazing child, we really can't believe it. You weren't suppose to live to see your second birthday. Luke, you are a living miracle.
As I've sat in the hospital with you today, I've had so much time to think about you. I just love you! You are such a fun boy. You've kept your nickname, "Mr. Smiles", through all that you've gone through. And you deserve it. You are able to communicate such love and joy with your smiles. You like to babble at us all the time, and every once in a while we catch a word or two. :) Everyone thinks it's so sweet to hear you say "Mama" as you're coming out of anesthesia, or when you're upset. What they don't know is that you're not asking for me. "Mama" means "Daddy", "I want that", "Stop doing that", or any number of other things! But that's okay, because sometimes it does mean me, and I love it.
Luke, you are still a Daddy's Boy, through and through. And I can only imagine that will intensity once you have your Daddy's blood coursing through your veins. :) The relationship you have with your Dad is a special one. Your Dad is the strongest, kindest, smartest, and most valiant man I know. You are all of those things and more. I want you to continue to have such a close relationship with your Dad. He is a perfect example of all you want to be, and your relationship with him will help you reach your potential and grow closer to your Heavenly Father.
We've noticed over the past year how much you love and need your sisters and brother. We're pretty sure that it was being with them that made you better when the doctors said nothing would. You have a very special relationship with Sophie. She can always make you smile, and when you're upset and I can't get to you, Sophie is the one that can calm you down. You just love her to pieces! You also have a unique relationship with Claire. You get so excited when she comes around, and look at her expectantly...like you're waiting for her to show you something cool. I think you even say her name, in your own little two-year-old kind of way. And then there's Johnny. :) You love your brother, and he loves you. Intensely. I think that's the best word to use to describe your relationship with Johnny...intense! You love to play with him...especially with blocks or cars. But it inevitably ends with one or the both of you crying. :) You two have a lot of lost time to catch up on once you're home and feeling well again. No one has any doubt you two will be inseparable, just like Claire and Sophie.
So much focus is given to your cancer, Luke. It really has defined virtually all of your short life. You haven't hit the gross motor developmental milestones that you should. You haven't crawled or walked or pulled yourself up to standing yet. But you work hard when you're feeling good, and we're excited to see you gain the independence you so greatly desire. You'll do it. You're the toughest kid we know! But where you lack in your gross motor skills, you make up for in fine motor and cognitive skills. You're right where you should be, and ahead in some areas. That is such a blessing to us. With the total body irradiation that you received to prepare for your first bone marrow transplant, your brain received a decent dose. We were told we could see some delays from that, and so far we haven't. Again, what a miracle you are!
I am so proud of you, Son. You are such an amazing teacher to me. You have helped me understand the meaning of our time here in mortality. You have provided an opportunity for me to increase my faith in my Savior, and in His plan. You help me remember (and have given me many opportunities to practice) to smile through the sorrow, and be cheerful in spite of the trials. You have helped your Dad and I grow in our marriage, and come closer to understanding what it means to have a celestial relationship. I had no idea when I held you in my arms for the first time that you would change everything. That I held in my arms the mightiest child I had ever known, and who would literally be a beacon of light to the world.
I can't know what the future holds, Luke. I don't know for certain that we'll see your third birthday together. I don't know that you'll grow up to read these birthday letters. And I won't lie...it scares me beyond what words can say. Your Dad and I have complete faith that you can be healed. That there can be more miracles in our future, and that you can be preserved here in mortality to continue the great work you've started. But I also understand that your work may continue on the other side of the veil. I want you to know that no matter what, I will cherish the day you were born to me...every year for the rest of my life. You are my son, and you will be my son forever. And I will be your mother forever. Our relationship is eternal, and that's what makes this all okay. Even through the fear and the tears that are making it almost impossible to continue writing this, I have faith that you will be healed. I can see that handsome, grown-up man wearing a missionary tag that I saw in my mind the day you were blessed. I have faith that we'll see that day together.
Happy Birthday, my precious boy! I love you, I love you, I LOVE YOU! Keep smiling, my Mr. Smiles!
Love,
Mom
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