To My Johnny, On His Birthday...

Happy Birthday, Johnny!

This is the first time I've experienced sadness when my child has turned one.  I've just wanted you to stay a baby forever!  

Johnny, I can't believe it's been a whole year.  You are such a delight in our home, and everyone loves you so much.  Since the day we brought you home, your sisters have wanted to see you first thing.  They can't wait to play with you, and you greet them with a smile every morning.  But not before I get my smiles!  I've cherished my mornings with you.  You wake up so happy and ready to greet the day.  I just love it.

Your smile is infectious, and your laugh can make even the grumpiest Mama happy.  Not that I would know from personal experience or anything. :)  You are so determined to experience this world, but you are also patient with the process.  If something is difficult, you will almost always quietly keep trying harder until you've worked it out.  However, the one thing you have absolutely no patience with is when your sisters take something away from you.  That will put you into a screaming fit immediately.  

You and your Daddy have a special bond.  You love wrestling with Daddy, and you get a special kick out of when he "tosses the pizza" with you.  You've made him so proud with your recent interest and love for balls of any kind.  And you literally brought tears to his eyes with your excitement over an F-117 plane that he brought you home from a business trip.  You look more and more like him every day.  You two are peas in a pod.  

Johnny, I remember just crying and crying when I was still in my first stages of pregnancy with you.  I had just lost my sister before I found out I was pregnant with you.  I was sick, as usual, only this time I had two toddlers to chase around.  I didn't know what to do about your delivery, and the doctor was giving me fits.  It was overwhelming.  On more than one occasion, I would think how much I didn't want to be pregnant.  I wasn't ready for all of it.  It was just too much.  The night before I had the ultrasound that told us you were a boy, I had a complete emotional breakdown.  I was so frightened that your little spirit would know that I didn't want to be pregnant with you.  I worried if I would be able to bond with you.  I just worried over everything and my heart was broken.

Then, weeks early, we found out that you were a boy.  Everything changed!  I felt like I knew you already, and I was already in love.  You had a special place in my heart for long before you were born, but the moment I had you in my arms I was yours forever.  You're my little buddy.  You are a Mama's boy, and I love it!

Even though I can barely stand the thought of you growing up, I know I can't stop it.  And honestly, I'm excited to see the man of God you'll grow up to be.  Because I know you will.  You and your sisters are meant for great things.  You all have a strength of spirit that is simply humbling to behold.  Your Daddy and I can barely believe that our Heavenly Father trusted us with the three of you.  It's a responsibility we take great joy in.

Happy Birthday, Son!  We love you more than words can say, and can't wait to spend another year with you.  Love you, John Boy!