Week 35

I've decided that for the last four weeks of this pregnancy, I'm going to document each week, following that week's doctor's appointment.  While I do have something of an update from my appointment on Monday, this is mostly going to be a cathartic post.

My appointment on Monday went well.  Luke looks good, and Dr. Davis estimated his weight at 7 pounds.  It will be interesting to see how accurate these ultrasound measurements actually are!  I was also treated to a Group B Strep swab as well as a cervical check.  Both of which Danny and I thought were completely unnecessary considering our scheduled cesarean, but both of us were too tired to argue.

We were able to get on the calendar for the c-section.  Looks like unless he decides to come early, Luke will be born on Tuesday, May 22 at around 7:30 am!  That's only 2 days before my due date, and that day works best for Danny's time off.  We're feeling pretty good about that day.

And that's about the only thing I feel good about these days!  And that's even a conflicted point for me.  Ok, people, prepare yourself for the catharsis of an emotional and exhausted pregnant woman! :)  I'm really ashamed to admit it, but I'm completely done.  I have nothing left.  The tank is empty (or too full!).  And I seriously don't know how in the world I'm going to make it through the next 27 days.  I know, it sounds totally cliche.  But I don't mean that in the "I'm-so-uncomfortable-I-can't-do-this-anymore" way, but more in the "my-body-just-can't-take-another-day" kind of way!  I know, subtle difference.  But it's an important one, at least to me.

See, that's where the shame lies.  I feel like I did really well at the end of my pregnancy with Johnny.  Even after the first...and then second...due date came and went.  I didn't complain much, and always had a smile on my face for others to see.  Honestly, I really don't remember feeling very bad at all.   Very pregnant, of course, but not miserable.  This time, I feel miserable!  And I feel like I should have learned better after Johnny.  I know, intellectually, that "this too shall pass".  But everything I experience every minute of every day is telling me that time is moving too slowly, and it's never going to be over!  

Nights are especially rough.  I'm not sleeping much, which is totally normal at this point.  Getting up every 2 hours to go to the bathroom or switch hips isn't exactly the way to get a good night's rest. :)  But it's more than that with this baby.  Every time I get up, I mean literally stand up, I'm overcome with how heavy the baby is, how much weight I'm carrying, and how much my body aches.  By the time I make it 15 steps to the bathroom, I've realized how tired I am.  And then the futility of the situation just washes over me.  My heavens, I'm waxing melodramatic this morning, aren't I?!

I'm sure because my nights are so restless, my days have become all that more exhausting.  I have almost no patience left for my awesome kids, and I feel like I spend all day yelling at them.  I find myself panting after even the most minimal physical exertion.  It takes me at least twice as long to do everything, which is beyond frustrating.  But I move so slow because every movement is severely uncomfortable at best, very painful at worse.  

And on top of that is the guilt for feeling so miserable at all.  Once again, I'm pregnant when there are so many woman, so much better than me, that would give anything to trade places with me.  Or women who have a very difficult time carrying their children to term.  I try to remember how fortunate I am, and how all of this will be just a dim memory as soon as I have my big, healthy, beautiful son in my arms.  But if I'm going to be terribly honest, and if this cathartic post is going to be at all worthwhile, I have to admit that it's all a cold comfort.  I still just want to be done!

Danny has been so sweet and sympathetic to my near constant ramblings.  He even surprised me with an 80 minute maternity massage last weekend that was heavenly, and did a lot to perk me up and make me think I could handle this task to the end.  The kids are patient with me.  And my in-laws are very good at pretending they don't notice how moody I get sometimes.  All of which I am beyond grateful for!

Well, I suppose it's time to bring this pity party to an end, you think?  I do feel a little better, and I'm sure that Danny is grateful for one less phone call. :) 

Weeks 32 & 33...and 34

Well, I'm going to be recapping the last three or so weeks in this post.  I really wish I was able to stay more on top of these posts!

Let me start by saying that I've hit the wall, my friends.  And that's not something recent to the last of these three weeks.  I've been struggling for most of the last three weeks.  I think this may officially be my most difficult pregnancy, and it's getting the best of me emotionally as well as physically.  I'm already so incredibly uncomfortable, and I know that Luke is just going to pack on the pounds at this point.  I have no idea where we're going to fit those additional pounds, but I'm sure we'll find a way!  I feel so "at my limit" every minute of the day that the smallest thing seems to leave me crying.  I've gained way too much weight, which I know has added to my discomfort.  It's just been all around stressful.

My last OB appointment, which was a week ago today, added insult to injury.  At least at first.  Up to that point, Dr. Davis seemed sure that Luke would be an average size and no where close to Johnny's whopping 11 pounds.  However, when this last ultrasound began, he kept commenting on how big Luke's head was already.  Like, five weeks ahead and ready for delivery big.  As the ultrasound proceeded, Luke looked great and as cute as ever...and as big as ever.  At the end of the appointment, Dr. Davis started talking about scheduling my section during the next appointment.  Apparently, he didn't remember our initial conversation about letting me wait for labor.  And now that he saw that Luke's weight was going to rival that of his brother's, he was none to fond of the idea of waiting.  I gently argued my point, but realized with every passing minute that it wasn't going to happen.  I was going to end up with a scheduled section.

I cannot begin to describe my feelings over the next 12 hours of so.  I was so torn.  And angry.  And disappointed.  And helpless.  I just felt like there was no way, after everything I've learned and everything I believe in (not to mention how vocal I've been over the last two years about my view on birth) that I could just go ahead and willingly schedule Luke's birth.  But on the other hand, I have literally no strength left to fight with my doctor.  And I don't want to.  He really is a great doctor, and he's been very kind to me, and I know that his concerns are coming from a valid place within his paradigm.  He's not trying to force me, nor do I get the feeling that he thinks I'm stupid for wanting to wait.  He just really is nervous about it.  I'm sure he's never delivered a baby as big as this from a woman with 3 previous sections of large babies in a five year period of time.  I also just don't want to take Luke too early.  Not before he's ready.  And how else will I really know if it's time until labor starts on its own?

Like I said, I was confused.  I was up all night worrying about what to do, and not making any headway.  Then I talked to Jami.  What would I do without such a wonderful older sister?  She made some really good points that I had to consider, and which brought me a great deal of peace.  She reminded me that life changes.  And sometimes things you feel so strongly about in one period of your life will simply no longer fit in another period of your life.  (With the exception of the doctrines of the gospel and the commandments, of course!)  She's going to through this same thing with her transition from six children to seven, and having a daughter graduating high school and leaving for college at the same time that she's dealing with a newborn and everything in between.  So, she wasn't just flapping her gums, here!  She helped me to realize that we're in a very unique situation right now.  Not having our own home really does add a measure of additional stress to having another baby, and I need to consider my mental health as well as that of my husband and children.  Danny has a very limited amount of time off with this new job, and I'm going to need his help in those first few days home.  AND...Claire turns five within a week of my due date and it's also Memorial Day weekend.  There is a lot more to this equation than what I was considering at the time.

So after a great deal of thought, prayer, and soul searching, we've decided that for Luke, we're going to schedule his birth.  I've gone to the Lord with my most heart-felt pleadings that he'll make sure my little guy is ready, or even better, he'll get him ready early and I'll get the best of both worlds!  But mostly, I feel at peace with the idea that I can best prepare myself, my family, and our environment to make Luke's birth and his first week or so at home as perfect and stress-free as I can.  

Just like my journey with John, I'm learning so much about myself and about the process of bringing my babies here.  I'm learning about how the Lord teaches me, and how much humbling I still need.  It looks as though I have about 5 weeks from today, give or take a day, until I will meet my son.  I can hardly wait, and for so many reasons.  Even with how difficult life has been with the pregnancy, I'm so humbled and grateful that I get to do it again.  It truly is a miracle.

Easter Sunday 2012

Since we have 9 o'clock church this year, we began our Easter Sunday with a wonderful Sacrament Meeting. The kids had a great time in Primary, and thanks to wonderful Primary teachers they really understood what we were celebrating.  It was the perfect beginning to the day.

With church being first thing in the morning, we waited to do Easter baskets with the kids until after we got home and took pictures.  The kids were very excited to see what their baskets contained!  Danny and I thought they turned out cute...

The kids were delighted with their Easter baskets!  Claire and Sophie each got a new color book, a new loufa, a new toothbrush (that they got to design and decorate on their own), gardening gloves, and their traditional pair of Easter socks!

Johnny was way more into his basket this year than last year.  His basket contained a Dora storybook, bubbles, a foam flyer airplane, a dump truck, a new toothbrush, and his pair of Easter socks.  They kids also received a no-spill giant bubble bucket with three wands to share...

Johnny was most excited about his new toothbrush.  This boy loves to brush his teeth!

After we were done with baskets, the kids ate lunch and played a bit with their new stuff.  We headed up for dinner at Grandma Candy's in the late afternoon.  When we got there, we were the only ones there with Grandma again.  Jenny and Matt were still traveling back from New Mexico, and while they were expected to arrive that evening, they weren't home yet.  Jessie and Devin were due to join us for dinner as well, but were delayed.  So, while we waited for Jessie and her funeral potatoes, we took Grandma Candy and the kids to the cemetery to leave Rachel's Easter Tree.

I think the tree turned out beautifully, and the girls were so proud of their work.  It was a lot less emotional to be there this year than it was the last time I was there.  Instead of pain, there really was a sense of peace.  We enjoyed the spirit there for a few minutes before taking the kids back to Grandma's for dinner.  By the time we had everything ready, Jessie and Devin had arrived with their potatoes and Jenny and Matt had even made it home.  With the exceptions of Nick, we were able to have everyone there for Easter dinner.  We enjoyed a fantastic meal of ham and potatoes and Carmelized Green Beans, and Grandma Candy made her Chocolate Pudding Candy Bar Cake.  Yum!

We are so grateful for our knowledge of the Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  We're eternally grateful for the restoration of the gospel, and the privilege it is for us to be raised and raise our children under the covenant.  Especially since Rachel died, I am grateful for my knowledge and testimony of the Plan of Salvation.  That I know that there was not only life before this one, but life afterwards as well, with a way prepared for each of us to be with our beloved families forever.  I love that we have the opportunity to remember and celebrate the wonderful news of the Risen Christ each and every spring.

Happy Easter!

Easter Pictures

Finally, we have a camera that can do our gorgeous kids justice! :)  Danny took these pictures after church on Sunday, when the kids were still all gussied up for Easter.  I absolutely LOVE the dresses we found for Claire and Sophie, and Johnny looked like a stud-muffin in his three-piece suit!  Danny got a tie that coordinated with Johnny's, and I found a purple tent to wear so I could match the family. ;)  I kid...kind of...

Eat your heart out, people.  But I must warn you, if you have a heart condition, are pregnant or nursing, you view at your own risk! :)

Happy Easter, Everyone!

Easter Saturday

I think we have yet to truly appreciate just how busy our holidays are going to be now.  Before, when we would travel home to Utah for a holiday, we expected it to be busy.  I guess what we're realizing is that we still have two families we want to spend time with on those special days, even when we live here!  That being said, we had a very full Easter weekend!

We started things off on Saturday morning at Grandma Candy's house.  Grandma Candy invited us over to dye Easter Eggs, and to decorate some special eggs for Aunt Rachel's Easter Tree.  It was kind of a unique time, in that we were the only ones at Grandma Candy's.  Jenny and Matt and their family were traveling for their spring break, and Jessie and Nick had prior obligations.  As much as we love spending time with everyone, it was especially nice to have Grandma all to ourselves!  While Danny and I got things ready for the egg dying egg-stravaganza, Claire and Sophie enjoyed some time with my Mom.

Then our little Easter artists got right to work.  They did an excellent job dying eggs this year, and I can confidently say that 99% of the dye stayed either on the eggs or in the cups!

Now, up to this point, Johnny humored us while we went about dying eggs.  He honestly couldn't care less.  But just about the time we were done with the eggs, he decided it was time to PLAY at Grandma Candy's!  It was a gorgeous day outside, so we got the wiggle cars and kicked the kids out onto the deck.  They didn't argue. :)

After they got their wiggles out (literally...on the wiggle cars..get it? :)), it was time for lunch.  Grandma Candy made up some quick sandwiches, and we all took a much needed break.  We enjoyed visiting while we ate, and then got cleaned up before our next project.  

The first Easter after Rachel died, we all wanted to do something for her.  Something tangible.  We came up with this idea to decorate some branches with decorated eggs.  We then went up to Rachel's Place and had a little devotional about the meaning of Easter.  I don't know that we intended that to become something of a tradition at the time, but it has become such.  Since everyone else was gone this year, our kids were in charge of decorating Rachel's eggs.  They worked hard, and their creations were beautiful!  With the help of myself and Grandma Candy, we got the eggs hung on the tree.

Sophie really took the job seriously. ;)

We had so much fun spending time with Grandma Candy, and it was the perfect way to begin our Easter weekend.  Once the tree was assembled, we headed home to get Johnny down for a nap and run some last minute errands before our next calendared event.  Great Grandma Call's Annual Easter Egg Hung and Potluck!

Everyone had a great time just hanging out while we waited for everyone to arrive.  Claire and Sophie followed Makayla around like little puppies, and Johnny found himself an awesome ball and was quite content to play with it.

Speaking of Johnny, our little guy just hasn't been the same since we brought him home from that ill-fated Conference weekend trip to the cabin.  I don't know if he's still fighting a virus, teething, or just turning two a little early, but my sweet baby boy has turned into something of a punk!  He has taken to throwing the most incredible fits, complete with throwing his head on the ground while he screams and writhes.  It's quite the sight.  Well, like I said, Johnny was completely content to play with that ball.  He was not fond of the idea of getting ready to go hunt for eggs.  Unfortunately for him, his ball-playing area was about to be swarmed with kids holding baskets, so I moved him around the back of the house to get his basket and get ready to go out with the rest of the kids.  Unfortunately for me and anyone within earshot, he didn't agree with that plan!

It didn't help when I grabbed his basket for him, took him onto the grass, and showed him how to put the egg in his basket.

It did help, however, when he discovered there was candy inside each of those stupid plastic eggs.  Seriously, child!  Trust your Mama and just put the eggs in the basket like the other kids!

The girls didn't have a problem getting into the hunt whatsoever.  They loved every minute of it.  

Claire especially loved her time with Makalya.  She's so lucky to have so many cousins, and second cousins, as friends.  These two were basically inseparable for the entire evening.  We really need to get them together to play more often.

And Sophie?  Well, our Sophie-kins was just fine to hunt on her own.  And just like last year, she stopped to open and eat each and every egg upon finding it.  That girl is all about instant gratification.

Once the hunting was over, the kids took a break to look at their loot.  The kids that hadn't already eaten their candy, anyway. :)  What cute cousins!

Then it was time to munch and mingle.  There was a ton of delicious food, and excellent company.

We enjoyed it more than the kitty that Johnny found to terrorize.  At least he wasn't screaming. :)

Danny and David manned the fire pit and roasted hot dogs for pregnant wives and children alike.  We all ate our fill and visited until the mosquitoes began to eat their fill.  We love getting together as family, and I know Danny appreciates being able to get together with his cousins and their families.  

We got our kiddies home and put them through a bath and put their cute little bums to bed.  We had early church in the morning, and extremely cute outfits to wear!

Conference Weekend at the Cabin

We had the opportunity to spend Conference Weekend at the cabin with Grandma and Papa, Aunt Julie, Aunt Katie, and even Great Grandma Lovell.  Danny was literally counting down the days for a couple weeks in advance until we'd be back in Island Park.  The kids were almost as excited!  Every day for a week they'd ask, "Is this the day we got to Great Grandma's cabin in the woods?"

We left around lunch time on Friday, and made the trip in about 5 hours.  Which wasn't bad, considering we stopped in Idaho Falls to get groceries for the weekend, stopped again at a dairy to pick up 2 1/2 gallons of Huckleberry Ice Cream, and then stopped again in Rexburg to pick up some dinner at Papa Murphy's.  Believe it or not, not a single stop included a bathroom break!  Crazy.

We got to the cabin and got the heat started right away.  It was chilly in there!  We unloaded and unpacked while the pizza cooked and the kids watched cartoons.  Then we enjoyed some dinner and watched "The Muppets" movie.  We got the kids to bed without a single complaint (and all sleeping in the same room!), and Danny and I even enjoyed some wind-down time before Papa and his crew arrived.  After that, it was a quick goodnight.  Everyone was tired and ready for a good night's rest.  Little did we know how precious that night's sleep would be...

We enjoyed Conference on Saturday, in the quiet of Island Park, with an absolutely obscene amount of junk food.  Michael, Danny's cousin, was able to join us for the weekend as well, and it was nice to visit with him again.  Grandma did a lot of sewing, and we all ate a lot of food.

The men went to the Priesthood Session that evening, while us ladies continued to relax and eat.  We really did have an incredible amount of food there!  During the day, I had noticed that Johnny seemed to be running a low grade fever, and he was pretty low-key and cuddly.  I chalked it up to teething and put the kids to bed as soon as Daddy came home.  I don't remember what time Danny and I went to bed, or even if we got the chance to.  I just remember it was about 11 pm when Johnny started wailing.  I went to check on him, picked him up, and realized he was burning up!  I didn't have a thermometer on me, but I would guess it was probably 103 or so.  So, we gave him some cold water and Tylenol, and cuddled him for a bit.  After all, Johnny is my rock star sleeper...surely he'd be back asleep for the night as soon as the Tylenol kicked in.

Oh, how wrong I was.  Johnny didn't sleep for the entire night.  Literally.  He never even dozed off.  He would scream bloody murder if we put him down, or if we looked at him the wrong way, or sometimes I swear for no reason at all.  At 2:30, Sophie woke up and threw up.  She continued to throw up every 20-30 minutes or so until just before 5:00.  Danny took Sophie and dealt with her throwing up, and I did my best to placate Johnny so every else in the cabin might be able to get some sleep.  By 5:30, I was so tired I thought I was going to die!  I finally got Johnny to watch "The Lion King" on my phone and I laid down next to him and dozed in and out until about 7:00.  It was at this point that Grandma woke up and took Johnny and Claire downstairs, and we were able to sleep (mostly) until about 8:30.  

To say that Sunday was a brutal day would be an understatement!  Luckily, Sophie was feeling just fine by morning, and I have absolutely no idea what all that throwing up was about.  But Johnny still refused to sleep, and his fever would spike really high just as soon as the Tylenol would wear off.  Danny and I were barely functioning, and I honestly don't remember much from the two sessions of Conference.

But just because all the adults were exhausted didn't mean that Claire and Sophie couldn't have a great time!  They loved playing "Rock and Roll Star" upstairs with the keyboard.

To my recollection, Johnny slept maybe an hour or so that entire day.  We did get him to sleep in his pack-and-play at about 7:00 that evening, and he slept there until about 9:30.  When he woke up, Danny slept with him in bed for an hour or so, until Johnny woke up screaming and we couldn't calm him down.  Papa gracefully took a shift at this point, and kept him mostly quiet until about 1:00 so Danny and I could get at least a little bit of sleep.  Johnny then slept sounding with us until 3:30 or so, and then he started up his antics from the night before.  I was ready to pack the car at 5:00 and just head home!  

We did end up packing up that morning, and we left for home just before lunch time.  Johnny was asleep before we were down the hill!  He slept for a good portion of the drive, despite his sisters' in-car antics.  We made it home in good time and enjoyed a couple of days of having the house all to ourselves while Danny's family enjoyed some peace and quiet at the cabin!

All in all, not our best trip to the cabin! :)  But, we're glad we went.  We'd never go anywhere or do anything if we didn't accept the fact that sometimes the kids just don't cooperate.  And really 99% of the time, the kids are excellent.  Their amazing behavior as allowed us to create so many wonderful memories already, and we look forward to creating many many more.  Just hopefully with a little more sleep involved! :)

Isabelle's Princess Party

On March 6th, Isabelle turned 6 years old.  Can you believe it?!  She was just a baby...literally...when Danny and I got married.  Like any 6-year-old girl, Isabelle loves princesses, and for her birthday she asked for a Princess Party.  Her loving parents consented, and Claire and Sophie were invited to attend.  The big day finally came on March 24th, and the girls arrived to find a beautifully decorated party.

And there was once princess in attendance that needs to make her photo debut.  Here is Ava Lynn Martin!  New nieces are so much fun...

Once the girls arrived, Aunt Jenny helped them with a craft.  Each princess got to decorate her own royal cup!  The girls had a blast with these, and continued to drink from their royal cups for days afterwards.

Then, with royal cup in hand, it was time for lunch!  On the menu was little pigs in blankets, fruit skewers, veggies and dip, and Brazilian Lemonade.  Every little girls was in heaven.  They got to eat like princesses, and drink like princesses.

Chit-chat with other princesses.

And even learn a princess dance!  Could this party get any more perfect?

Yes!  Aunt Jenny arranged for a very special guest to drop by the party.  Belle!  Every girl was shocked to see the real Belle walk into the party.  Belle read stories and taught each little princess in attendance all about Princess Manners.  Then she took the time to have her picture taken with each girl.

I have to add that Grandma Call was amazing and made some adjustments to the girls' Belle dresses before the big party.  In my opinion, their Belle dresses were even more beautiful than the real Belle's dress!

Isabelle was able to invite all her friends from school and church, along with her cousins that could make it.  There were quite a few girls there!  I know that Isabelle loved every minute of being the center of attention. :) 

After Belle left to go back to her castle, it was time for presents.  Boy, did Isabelle clean up!  And then the party was pretty much over.  All the girls ran around like Princess Banshees while awaiting their royal carriages, and had a grand ol' time, while the adults started picking up.  All in all, it was a wonderful success of a party!

Claire and Sophie just love Isabelle, and Isabelle just loves Claire and Sophie!  It's so fun to watch these girls grow up to be not only cousins, but the best of friends.  Happy Birthday, Isabelle!  Thanks for the wonderful Princess Party!