Happy Birthday, Sophie!! I can't believe that I'm writing you a letter again so soon...but apparently it's been a whole year since you turned eight, and now you're nine!! Time is just going by too quickly! I would plead and beg with you to stop growing up if I thought it would make any difference at all. But I know it won't. ;)
What a year this has been for you! Honestly, this has probably been the hardest year you've had so far. Your Dad and I can't quite figure out why...life actually seemed to settle down for us. Maybe you finally had time to process, or sensed it was safe to process, all the tumultuous events in our family's recent past. Toward the end of the school year last year, you really struggled with school. You came home every day from school crying. You said you didn't have any friends, and that you were alone at recess. I talked to your teachers about it, but they said they hadn't noticed you acting any differently and that you were the same social butterfly you'd always been. I couldn't figure out why I had to force you out the door in the morning in tears and then welcome you home in tears at the end of the day, but you seemed to be fine at school. Dad and I knew your feelings were genuine. So even though your day at school might have seemed the same to your teachers, your little heart was in pain. We prayed and talked to you and prayed some more...but we weren't sure what to do. Then you got to the point where you couldn't sleep at night without being next to Dad. You would get so panicky at bedtime. Then the panic attacks started happening at school. We were really starting to worry about you!
We decided it was time to find a counselor for you. Through a set of small miracles, we were able to meet Karson the very next day. You enjoyed your visits with him, and as we focused on helping you sleep we saw progress. I was confident that once we were done with school for the year you would do so much better. In some ways, I was right. But overall, you still really struggled. So we kept seeing Karson, and we kept talking. And as we talked, I discovered some of your fears and hurts. I think a lot has to do with Luke. Not necessarily missing him exactly, but the fact that watching our brother pass away took a lot of the innocence of childhood from you. It was hard for you not to be afraid of separation, of things being out of your control. So we kept talking, and Dad and I kept praying. And you know what? You have made amazing strides!! You are such a strong girl, Sophie. And while it has been very hard for your Dad and I to watch you struggle so much, we have seen you learn more of who you really are. The power that is yours because of your divine heritage as a daughter of our Heavenly Father. We are so very proud of you!!
You were very nervous for the start of this school year, and so was I! But you love your new teachers, and you have really loved learning cursive. Third grade has been good to you so far! Walking home has been stressful for you the last couple of years, because Claire and Grace prefer to take their time coming home. You are LOVING walking home with Johnny! I think that time is good for you and Johnny. You two are still fire and ice, but I know underneath the bickering you two love each other. Claire is still your best friend, and the two of you continue to bond over new shared experiences. Recently, you two have discovered your love of reading and found a series you both absolutely loved...The Land of Stories. It's so fun to watch you find new loves in your life.
But with all the new things in your life, it's fun to watch some things stay the same. You, my sweet girl, are still the fashionista you've always been. More so, if anything! You know at a glance if something is "fashionable", and you are very particular about your wardrobe. I had a moment a month or so ago when I feel like Heavenly Father opened my mind and helped me understand you. We were shopping for back to school shoes...particularly PE shoes. This had always been a struggle for us. I have assumed for years that your feet just must be weird and incapable of being comfortable in tennis shoes. As we were negotiating through pair after pair the thought entered my mind: "It's not her feet. She doesn't LIKE tennis shoes. She doesn't think they're fashionable!" It was like a lightening bolt to my maternal mind, and I'm shocked I hadn't realized it years ago! So I asked you if you could pick any shoes, never mind PE, what would they be. You instantly pointed to a pair of ankle boots. They were $20, and I had already found a $10 pair of tennis shoes. Buying both was still in our budget, so I told you that I would happily buy you the booties if you promised to wear the PE shoes on your PE days and when you needed supportive footwear. You were almost in tears as you jumped up, hugged me, and thanked me profusely. I realized in that moment in Payless that you were a creature completely unlike me. And for all of these years I've been trying to force you to do it my way. In the weeks since, I have received prompting after prompting and divine inspiration after divine inspiration that have helped me see your world as you see it. It has made me so happy to understand you more, and has helped me to appreciate your special role in my life. I can see how much you have to teach me, and I'm so excited to see how our relationship grows because of this new insight. You're such a neat girl!
You still love your Dad best, though. That's okay...I love him best, too! Your Daddy has a very special place in his heart for you, and when I get frustrated he is always patient with you. You are so blessed to have a Dad like your Daddy! I know that your relationship with your earthly father has helped you to come to understand your Heavenly Father and His love for you. You have entered senior primary, and are loving Activity Days. Your testimony continues to grow, and we have loved watching your confidence as you give lessons in Family Home Evening. You always spend hours preparing, and your lessons are so comprehensive...and you do it entirely on your own! You have so many spiritual gifts, and I love watching you embrace them.
Happy Birthday, Sweet Girl! I love you so much, and I am so grateful you're mine. I will never forget the first time I got to hold you in my arms and how I instantly fell in love with you. I love you even more today, and somehow I know that love will continue to grow for eternity. I love you, Baby Girl!
Love,
Mom
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