To My Sophie, On Your Birthday...

Happy Birthday, Sophie Anne!!

You'll find when you're a mother, that half of what you'll do is apologize. And I feel like I have to start this letter off with an apology. In the craziness of last year, I never did get your birthday letter written. I have felt bad about that for all this time, but it didn't feel right to just write one to write one. These letters are precious to me, as I hope they will be precious to each of you as you get older. I know you'll understand that with you birthday falling just one week before Luke passed away...well, things were crazy. But I have to ask for your forgiveness. Will you forgive my lapse, my sweet Sophie? Knowing you, and knowing your forgiving heart, I needn't ask. 

Ok, with that out of the way, let's talk about you! You are simply a joy!! This last year, you started 1st grade. I noticed in Kindergarten last year how many friends you had, and how your teacher literally delighted in you. The trend has continued! You spend your lunch and your recess with Claire and her friends, always being the little sister. I would worry about that, except that I know you.  And I know that you're not holding on to Claire because you don't have your own friends, or because you're scared. You simply love her best! And you have never, not for one second of your life, hesitated to follow where your heart leads you. I have always marveled at your confidence.

While I'm talking about school, let me tell you how smart you are! You breezed through Kindergarten, which we knew you would. You are a fantastic reader! You always surprise your Dad and me when we're reading scriptures and you read words that we would never think you could read. And lately, you've really developed a love for chapter books. We love to see you grab your book and cuddle up on the couch and get lost in your story, despite the cacophony of household noise. You have also worked very hard on your penmanship and art skills, and to great success! You struggled at first being left-handed, but you seem to have found your groove. You are not afraid of hard work when you have a goal in mind!

You are such a wonderful sibling. You have this ability to be genuinely happy for Claire and Johnny that I just marvel at. For instance, a month ago Claire decided to use her money to pierce her ears. Your Dad and I didn't feel like you were old enough to follow suit, and so we braced ourselves for what we felt like was in imminent argument when you wanted to pierce your ears too. But it never happened! You never once expressed jealously of Claire's privilege, and instead have just been so happy for her...stating how excited you are to shop for earrings with Claire. You are definitely the middle child, and are the one who can play best with Johnny when the two of you are in the mood. You are much more into physical play than Claire is, and Johnny loves that about you. And because you didn't get your letter last year, I didn't get to tell you how great of a big sister you are to Luke. Ever since Luke was a baby, you had the ability to make that boy laugh. He LOVED playing with you! Last year, we weren't sure Luke would make it through your birthday. We prayed he would, but we were very concerned me might pass on your birthday. We decided it was important to prepare you for that possibility, and you handled it with such maturity. In fact, you had no problem sharing what was your special time with Luke. You never complained or felt short-changed. And when Luke did pass, you were so gentle and loving to not only him...but to your Dad and I. In the year that has passed since then, you speak of Luke often. But always in reference to where he is now and what he's doing now. For you, your relationship has continued in reality. When you can't fall asleep at night, you will imagine what the Spirit World is like and what Luke looks like; what's he's doing there and how he's doing. I cannot put into words how much that comforts my heart.

But with all your maturity, you have a playful side to you. You, my sweet Annie, LOVE fashion. You love clothes, make-up, jewelry, and generally anything that makes you feel beautiful. And just like everything else, you follow your heart. I'm not going to lie, sometimes I have to brace myself to let you walk out the door dressed the way you do! But I've found that I want to foster that sense of confidence you have in your own beauty. Like so many of your qualities, I envy that part of you! And I know, just like your Dad, that even with all your confidence you still have no idea how beautiful you are...inside and out. I never want you to feel stifled or embarrassed. I want you to continue to discover the princess of deity you are.

You love the gospel, and you love your Heavenly Father and his Son, Jesus Christ. Like your brothers and sister, you seem to know them. More than that, you trust them. You have such a strong spirit, Sophie. You were determined to join our family when you did, and I am so glad! You provide an anchor for us, a cheerful and sometimes spastic anchor in the storms of life. :) You are a Daddy's girl, through and through. Sometimes I struggle to understand the relationship you and I have. Most of the time you feel like an alien creature I just don't understand! Then other times I see in you so much of who I could have been had I not had some of the experiences and situations I had when I was young, experiences that left me afraid and embarrassed of who I was. 

I remember clearly the first time I got to hold you, and how absolutely beautiful I thought you were! I was instantly in love with those big brown eyes and those perfect lips. And every time I see you smile, I remember that moment. You are my beautiful Sophie Anne, and I love you more than any words could possibly express. Happy Birthday, Baby Girl! We love you!!

Love, 

Mom